A Disgusting Experience
After our last training, the Director of IBC Group and the Director of the Business Incubator wanted to take me to the Banya to celebrate our most recent successes. I never want to pass up a banya but I had been having diarrhea all day and wasn’t sure about my “condition” during a three hour banya. In any case, I really wanted to join them at the Banya so I “squeezed” everything together and ploughed forward. The drive to the Banya takes about 30 minutes along a rather bumpy road (definitely hard on my “squeeze”). By the time we reached the Banya, I made a mad dash for the out house. I entered the out house and quickly pulled down my pants and released my “squeeze”. I instantly felt better and was ready to join my colleagues in the Banya when I heard a loud sound of something following into the bottom of the outhouse (about 10 feet down). It was a BLUMP sound. I quickly checked my back pocket only to realize I had broken the first rule of using an out house – Always hold wallet during SQUAT! My wallet had taken the long fall to the bottom of a years worth of sewage.

I quickly made my way back to the Banya to find my colleagues disrobed, in their banya hats and ready for the sauna. I explained in broken Russian that we have a BIG PROBLEM, and that my wallet had fallen to its death at the bottom of the out house. First, they reminded me of out house rule number 1 (always hold wallet during SQUAT), laughed for at least 5 minutes, and then suggested that we just forget it. I quickly told them that I not only had all of my cash for the month in the wallet but also my license and credit cards. Reluctantly, they summoned the out house wallet retriever to help us fish out my wallet. He brought a long pole that was equipped with a hook to help snag the wallet. The man turned to me and asked the most ridiculous question, “Sir, is your wallet brown?” I thought to myself, if it wasn’t brown before it fell, it most certainly is now. After only 3-4 minutes of searching the man located the wallet and hooked it. He then brought it to the surface covered in chunks. I then had to reach down, pick up the wallet and take it for a deep cleaning. While gagging, I dechunked my wallet, credit cards and money and left the wallet to air dry. After that experience, I was so happy to join my colleagues in the banya for a good Kazakh cleaning and deep sanitizing.

You would guess that the next day I tossed the wallet, but being a good PC volunteer living in poverty, I just sanitized it and used again. When I arrived home for Christmas, my family decided enough is enough and bought me a new one.

Lesson learned: never forget out house rule number 1 (always hold wallet during SQUAT positions) and really we don’t always have to act like Peace Corps Volunteers – a new wallet was truly in order!